Creating Space

Reflecting on things that have made sheltering in place tolerable, I’ve realized (or doubled down on realizing) that having a quiet space for myself is absolutely essential.

On March 13th, like many New Yorkers who are lucky to have another place to go — we left for the countryside.

I felt pretty lucky to have a backyard, fresh air, a car. But shortly after the initial shock, I started to feel trapped. Friday afternoons were the hardest for me for some reason. Perhaps the volume of zoom calls and hours of sitting that I wasn’t used to in my fast paced urban life, or the weekend in front of me with the stunning realization that we had no plans and that life had changed. I spent many Friday afternoons face down on the couch thinking woe is me, and subsequently feeling very guilty for having those feelings.

We had a “garage room” that was semi-finished, and I used it for the occasional workout or meditation. In March I started gravitating to it, and gradually dressed it up with plants, a couch and some artwork I found in our basement. I slowly turned it into my “space” and found that I craved going there in the morning. I’d use the Calm app, or do my Alexia Clark exercise routine and then transition to the desk for my work day. It was really calming to know I could “go” somewhere outside the house (despite having to run back and forth to use the bathroom!).

My doggies couldn’t just come in, and because I use this room for work most hours, my husband would text me or stand outside the door to see if he could come in and chat. It was nice to know that there were these informal boundaries created where I had permission to just “be.”

After our drive cross country in August, we stayed in the East Bay with the typical postage stamp sized property where you can basically hear what the neighbors are having for dinner. It became immediately obvious that I was missing my “space,” and I started thinking about creating something similar.

We had a detached laundry room with windows looking out to the yard and extra space on one end. I got busy dreaming about how I could make that space feel like mine — a place for solace and early morning invigoration. This time I was inspired to create a spiritual feeling — you can’t help but feel a little more hippie-ish in the East Bay! Some crystals, candles and Kilim pillows from a Moroccan store on Etsy turned a laundry room area into a space that was separate from the house’s main activities. In fact, physically separating myself was to say “I’m not engaging in to do’s (well maybe the occasional load of laundry was put in) right now.” Nor am I taking care of others, I’m just taking care of me.

The space is physical but it goes hand in hand with the protected time I give myself. If I just got up early and puttered around the kitchen, or started doing work emails, the feeling wouldn’t be the same as having a personal haven and using that time in solace. I find that when I give myself not only the time but also an inspiring environment, creative inspiration is abundant. Some days I’d make tea and color in a notebook, while others I’d lie down and stretch or follow the Calm app for 10 minutes. One thing for sure, neither the early morning sunrise nor the smell of incense inspired me to jump into work email or check off to-do’s!

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t just for early mornings— I could use it any time. It’s just a lot harder to create alone time once a day has kicked off, especially in the midst of Slack, zooms, kids and pets. So mornings are magical, but perhaps that’s the next challenge — learning how to take energizing breaks in my curated space throughout the day.

Now on the road we’re staying at Air BnBs and it’s a treat to have a spare bedroom for early morning creativity, late afternoon workouts or even a nap. My husband understands that when I say I “need alone time” — it means I’m going to go somewhere and shut the door, and create space for me to do whatever I need in that moment.

COVID, thanks for showing me how to create and retreat to my own personal space, and take unstructured time to dream, create, stretch and nap!